Faith for Flourishing

As parents, we want our kids to succeed. So when they bring home straight A’s or score the winning goal, our instinct is to praise their talent and intelligence. “You’re so smart!”, we exclaim with pride.

But researchers suggest that praise focused on talent and outcomes doesn’t actually equip kids with the mindset needed for long-term achievement and fulfillment. Studies show that praising effort and hard work is far more effective.

Why praise effort?

Praising talent promotes a fixed mindset. Kids start to believe their abilities are innate and can’t change. They become risk-averse, afraid to make mistakes that could tarnish this ‘smart’ label. Effort praise, on the other hand, instills a growth mindset – the belief that skills can grow with practice. Kids are motivated to work hard and view challenges as opportunities to improve.

Praising effort also shows kids that the path to success includes failures, course corrections, and persistence. It gives them agency over their learning and achievement rather than making them reliant on inherent ‘smartness’. Perseverance in the face of difficulty becomes a virtue.

This is more than parenting advice — this is biblical idea:

• “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
• “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4)

When your child brings home a good grade, instead of saying “You’re so smart!”, try focusing the praise on effort:

“I can see you studied very hard for this test. All that extra work paid off with this grade!”
“I’m so proud of how you concentrated and kept at it even when it was challenging.”
“I really admire your work ethic and dedication in preparing for this.”

The same principle applies to extracurricular activities. Rather than, “You’re such a talented musician!”, try:

“I really appreciate how diligent you’ve been about practicing that instrument. It’s really paying off!”
“All those hours you put into rehearsals were really worth it. I know it took a lot of effort.”
“I was really impressed with how you persevered out there after you made that mistake. You didn’t give up.”

The goal is reinforcing the value of hard work, determination, and resilience. Our kids thrive when we praise the journey, not just the destination.