Faith for Flourishing

“The paradox of vengefulness is that it makes men dependent upon those who have harmed them, believing that their release from pain will come only when their tormentors suffer.”

Laura Hillenbrand, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption

Vengeance may seem sweet in the moment, but it often becomes a poison that harms the victim as much as the perpetrator. This is the paradox of vengefulness – the quest to make one’s tormentors suffer only shackles the victim to those who have hurt them.

When someone has faced tremendous suffering and injustice, anger and a desire for retribution are understandable reactions. However, letting vengeance consume one’s mind and spirit can lead to a dark place. Rather than moving on with life, the victim remains mentally trapped reliving their pain, fixated on evening the score. Their identity becomes so wrapped up in vengeance that they surrender their psychological freedom.

Seeking to reciprocate harm also dehumanizes both the victim and victimizer. Nelson Mandela wisely recognized that “resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Mandela emerged from 27 years of wrongful imprisonment with a spirit of forgiveness, not bitterness. While accountability and justice should not be neglected, the cycle of vengefulness only ends by moving beyond notions of punishment and towards understanding, healing, and compassion.

The victim may never forget the offense committed against them. The trauma of violence, abuse, or injustice can leave deep scars. However, embracing positive values and a shared humanity with even those who have harmed us provides us with a path towards inner peace and freedom. We retain our human dignity not by the severity of our vengeance, but by rising above base impulses and nurturing our highest principles.

For the victim, the paradox is that mercy towards one’s oppressor can be empowering, severing the chains of resentment and hate. Letting go of vengefulness affirms one’s own humanity and aligns us with the greatest moral teachings ever given. As Jesus proclaimed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).