Faith for Flourishing

“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.”
― Herbert Bayard Swope

This quote reminds us that it is impossible to make everyone happy. When you try to please everyone, you amplify your own sense of failure, and you lose your own authenticity.

People pleasers sacrifice their own needs and values in a desperate bid for approval. They take on unreasonable demands, tolerate abuse, and camouflage their true selves. This massively upscales their potential for resentment, distrust, and feelings of powerlessness. Their quest for validation is a bottomless pit and the rewards are fleeting. As soon as they satisfy one person, another pops up unhappy with them.

This is an exhausting tapdance that leaves little energy for the people-pleaser to nourish (or seek that which nourishes) his or her own souls.

People pleasers neglect their own goals and passions. They agonize through life reacting to others instead of living purposefully. In the process, they (may) realize they’ve lost sight of who they are and what they want.

This is the ultimate failure – and represents a betrayal your own growth and fulfillment.

Giving your power away to satisfy imagined expectations only fosters codependency. People come to expect and demand your compliance. We feel guilty asserting our needs or saying no. This is no way to earn genuine respect, which must flow from self-respect.

Of course, diplomacy and consideration for others are virtues. But they should complement rather than replace our values. The alternative – twisting ourselves into human pretzels for each new set of eyes – means living life as an insecure chameleon.

We must define our own principles on our terms. Judiciously consider outside input, but don’t let it sway us from our compass. Aim to live authentically, not apologetically. Though impossible to please everybody, we can take pride in pursuing our authentic and unique potential.

Here are some tips for being true to yourself and avoiding the trap of trying to please everyone:

1.) Identify your values and beliefs. What is important to you? What do you stand for? Once you have a clear understanding of your values and beliefs, you can make decisions based on what is important to you, even if it means that some people will be unhappy.
2.) Set boundaries. Values won’t matter if you don’t set any boundaries. This means learning to say no to requests and taking time for yourself.
3.) Be assertive. It is important to be assertive and communicate your needs and wants to others. This does not mean being aggressive or demanding, but it does mean being clear and direct. The goal is clarity, not being a jerk.
4.) Learn to accept criticism. Not everyone will agree with you or like you. This is okay. It is important to learn to accept criticism and not take it personally.

Remember, you cannot please everyone. But you can be true to yourself and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling.