Faith for Flourishing

Modern parenting often involves guilt and worry about the excesses of entertainment and privilege. Are we ruining our kids by caring too much about their happiness? Furthermore, our style of parenting itself has changed; parents tend to put their children’s happiness above their own, raising their children in a less stern manner than they themselves were raised. This practice is a topic of debate with critics suggesting that it may compromise the well-being of the parents and the children. However, research points to a different conclusion.

In a psychological study entitled Parents Reap What They Sow: Child-Centrism and Parental Well-Being (Kahneman, Krueger, Schkade, Schwarz, & Stone, 2004), researchers found an unexpected pattern. Parents who were more focused on their children’s well-being rather than their own, reported experiencing higher levels of happiness and found more meaning in their role as parents. These parents reported greater positive feelings and less negative ones. Moreover, they reported a stronger sense of meaning in life.

This correlation between greater child-centrism and increased well-being contradicts debates which point to potential drawbacks of focusing too much on one’s children. It instead aligns with a growing body of evidence that suggests investing in others, not solely in oneself, may be a key contributor to personal well-being.

So, let’s answer the question posed by our title: Am I Spoiling My Child By Caring More About Their Happiness Than My Own? Probably. But it’s okay. It may be better for you than you think. And you’re teaching selflessness in a different way than you’d expect. Rather than worry about it, pray about it. Prayer creates room in our busy lives for these kind of concerns to be properly balanced and corrected. Better yet, pray with your children about being more grateful and humble. Your parents may have spoiled you too.