Faith for Flourishing

Chores are in many ways a rite of passage, a transfer of values, and a practical tool to prepare your children for the world that awaits them. Yet, as with any worthwhile endeavor, the question of balance is present. In the grand equation of life, how much work should a child be doing? And how can we, as parents, maintain this balance while still nurturing the myriad aspects of our children’s lives?

Many of us, indeed, were raised with more pronounced expectations for housework. These chores were ingrained within our daily routines, helping to mold us into responsible and capable adults. Now, we are faced with the challenge of replicating this experience in an increasingly digital age, where it can feel like chores compete with screens for our children’s time and attention.

Yet, there is an argument to be made that teaching children about chores is even more critical today. Not only does it cultivate a sense of responsibility and self-reliance, but it also provides a counterbalance to the easy gratification of digital media. By engaging with the real world – the tactile, the physical, the messy – children can build resilience, adaptability, and grit.

Let’s start with a principle that may be challenging for some: Resist the temptation to correct or redo your child’s work. If a child cleans a bathroom sink, only for a parent to clean it again, the message is clear: their effort wasn’t good enough. Instead, encourage your child’s initiative and independence by appreciating their effort, even if it falls short of perfection.

Thank them, sincerely, for their work. The kitchen floor may not be spotless, but gratitude will fuel their desire to contribute again, and with each repetition comes improvement. This cycle of effort, feedback, and improvement is not only a motivator but also an essential life skill.

But how much work is too much? There are no rigid guidelines for calculating the perfect chore workload. Instead, consider framing chores as a regular part of life, a shared family responsibility, rather than a grueling imposition. For younger children in elementary school, this might look like 10-20 minutes per day of age-appropriate tasks, with a bit more on weekends and during the summer.

As children grow into teenagers, their capacity for work increases, as should their responsibilities. Assign them more complex tasks, like mowing the lawn or preparing a family meal. Here, a guideline of 20-30 minutes daily seems reasonable, again with an expectation for more on weekends.

Lastly, you know your child better than anyone; pray about getting this right. Pray makes us reflective in ways that quite surprising, leading to insights that we would miss by rushing to decisions.

Remember, the aim here is not to create a fleet of domestic laborers, but rather to equip our children with life skills, to help them understand the value of work and the satisfaction of contributing to a collective endeavor. Chores also offer the opportunity to foster time management skills and set the foundation for future success in work and life.

In a world where the balance between digital immersion and tangible reality is delicate, chore responsibilities provide a grounding effect. They allow children to experience the satisfaction of a job well done, the repercussions of a job poorly done, and the joy of contributing to the collective welfare of the family.

Chores are not merely about keeping a clean house; they’re about preparing children to navigate a complex world with responsibility, resilience, and integrity. By doing so, we not only ensure that our children grow into capable adults, but we also embed values and work ethic that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.