As parents, we long to understand our children’s thoughts, especially as they grow into adolescents. The teenage years can be especially difficult. Parental influence, initially strong, diminishes over time. Indeed, what influence we do have sometimes feels like an additional source of resentment. Teenagers, particularly boys, often provide scant information about their day, prompting us to ask questions that are answered with the absolutely minimal effort. As parents, what do we do? Do we demand answers? Sometimes, yes! I know I do. However, instead of demanding, we should learn to ask better, more engaging questions. Engaging a young mind requires being more creative in conversation, which requires effort, but is crucial for effective communication. Here are some ideas:
Instead of asking for an accounting of events (“What happened today?”) pick an emotion and form it into a question (“What was the funniest thing that happened today?”)
Pick a category of something they like (athletes, dinosaurs, celebrities, games) and use the category as a part of a question (if your friends were celebrities, which one would be a movie star?)
Instead of giving advice, ask for advice. This is always a surprise to them. And as long as you don’t fall into the parent cliché of whining about how their lives are so easy compared to yours because you have to pay the rent blah blah, they will usually enjoy it. And you may even learn something.
Faith for Flourishing 
Leave a comment